Previewing the SOTU

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Filed Under General, Humor on Jan 26 

The Daily Beast’s Chris Buckley has an alleged “early draft” of The One’s “State of the Union” speech scheduled to be delivered tomorrow at 9:00 PM Eastern. Due to the ever increasing size of the deficit and the newly loosened restrictions on corporate contributions to political candidates, Team Obama has been searching for a corporate sponsor for the prime time address. Finalists are rumored to include the newly independent Southern California ACORN chapter and the SEIU’s gentle persuasion division.

But I digress. Some key graphs from Buckley’s copy of The One’s SOTU draft:

A year ago, I inspired the nation to have the audacity to hope that I would change the political culture in Washington. Now, a year later, it turns out I’m another hack politician—from Chicago, where, believe you me, we know a thing or two about hack politics.

I was going to set a new standard. Now I’m just a complicit bystander as Harry bribes, among others, a senator from Nebraska who wants his state to get a free pass on Medicare—in return for his vote on a health-care reform bill that would make the Founders weep, or throw up. Or both.

[snip]

I can further report that Secretary Napolitano has come up with an ingenious plan to prevent a recurrence of the Christmas bombing attempt. From now on, all planes flying into the United States will carry not air marshals but Dutch artists. For we now know that when it comes to disabling well-born Nigerians attempting to detonate their underpants, Dutch artists are proven first-responders.

Read the whole thing.

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