Feminists head the herd when it comes to taking offense. They can find affront at the drop of a hat. Feminists have taken umbrage at everything from Victoria’s Secret to My Little Pony. Anything that fails to promote feminism’s “strong” woman — the bra-burning, gruff, nagging, sea hag — renders women doting airheads suitable for serving the patriarchal society.

Okay, same song; men are pigs. What’s new? 

Well, something is new. The venerable LEGO is marketing the latest indoctrination tool for a chauvinistic society bent on creating an entire generation of models for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Specifically, the LEGO Friends line of toys. According to offended feminists, LEGO Friends “limits creativity and healthy role development” and encourages “damaging gender stereotypes.”

That sounds serious. But have no fear; the offended will arise to save little girls from childhood fun. In fact, the offended are petitioning LEGO to pull the toys from distribution. The petition’s initiator — Carolyn Costin, MFT (the “T” stands for tyrant, you can decide what the “MF” represents) — said, “Presenting slimmer, more fashion oriented LEGO people for girls falls right into the pervasive cultural messages for them to focus solely on their appearance and being thin.”

Really? Are we supposed to believe that playing with LEGOs will cause a generation of young girls to want to look like their LEGOs? Children of the 70s — I am one — played with green army soldiers, Evel Knievel stunt cycles, and cap guns. How many of us wanted to turn green when we grew up, or jump Caesar’s Palace, or become a gunslinger? 

In fairness, the LEGO Friends collection is rather sugary. Girls can choose from sets such as Olivia’s Tree House, the Butterfly Beauty Shop, and Stephanie’s Cool Convertible, complete with a puppy for the back seat. Sickening? Infinitely! The LEGO Friends are more nauseating than shotgunning a keg of corn syrup. But for Pete’s sake, they’re toys! 

Even if Carolyn Costin (the MFT) is correct and these toys do cause kids to desire a slimmer figure, is that automatically a problem? We’re inundated with stories about what fat slobs Americans have become, even those who grew up idolizing Barbie. Another “thin is in” message might be a godsend. Anyway, what would Carolyn consider a suitable image-building toy: Roseanne Barr’s Tub-O-Lard Doughnut Shop, or Gloria Steinem’s Chopemoff Vasectomy Clinic? 

Still, give Carolyn her due. She’s quite the pro at poking her nose into other people’s business; a genuine Buttinski Hall of Famer. If only there was an off-season.

Well, at least Ron Paul is not peddling in this mess. Maybe that helped drive his votes in New Hampshire above his poll numbers. Speaking of Paul, how about this? Andrew Napolitano suggested a Mitt Romney/Rand Paul ticket today.

Hat tip: Commenter T Baker

You might as well cry.

Go on and pout, I’m telling you why.

Santa Claus ain’t coming to town.

There won’t be any reindeer, or sleigh for you to see.

We’ve banned them all so we can prove our great sensitivity.

It’s no joke! The North Pole’s favorite son was banned from his annual appearance at the Hollings Cancer Center in South Carolina. Said spokeswoman Vicki Agnew: “Because of our state affiliation, we decided not to have a Santa presence this year.” The Center, Agnew continued, wanted to be “more secular and respectful to all beliefs. People who are Muslim or Jewish or have no religious beliefs come here for treatment.”

Doesn’t that make perfect sense. We can’t have the State promoting biblical characters like Santa Claus, now can we? After all, according to the Book of Blitzen, Chapter Three, it was Santa Claus who led the Israelites out of the Arctic Circle, parting Rudolph the Red-nosed Sea along the way. And the Gospel according to Comet tells how Santa came to grant strength to the lame, sight to the blind, and knowledge to the foolish. 

Ms. Agnew contends the decision wasn’t “meant to be cold.” If that’s true, then it was meant to be stupid; it’s the only other plausible explanation. What a shame Vicki Agnew wasn’t there when Santa was bringing knowledge to the foolish; she could use a miracle. 

Oh well, ’tis the season. America has come to herald each Christmas with renewed assaults on common sense. We ban Santa Claus and prohibit nativity displays. We purchase “holiday” trees from big box stores whose clerks are instructed to greet us with the innocuous “happy holidays.” Schoolchildren participate in “winter celebrations” rather than Christmas plays. And we endure it all so as not offend the perpetually offended. Has Christmas ever genuinely insulted anyone who wasn’t seeking insult to begin with? 

Frank Cloyes, the Center’s volunteer Santa, wonders when all this politically correct nonsense will end. “Let’s have a little joy in our lives,” he said. 

Mr. Cloyes can take some solace. The Hollings Center revisited their lunacy after South Carolinians revolted. However, his fundamental complaint remains unresolved. Political correctness is the antithesis of joy, existing only to prevent joy and prohibit fun at every turn. Life must universally suck for PC multiculturalists to be satisfied. And the nonsense won’t end until enough people summon the courage to tell hand-wringing busybodies like Vicki Agnew to go jump in a hole. In the meantime the Priests of High-minded Sanctimony will continue sacrificing America’s cultural and spiritual traditions to political correctness, their god most high. 

 So you better not count on seasonal cheer.

It hasn’t a chance with bureaucrats near.

 Santa Claus ain’t coming,

Santa Claus ain’t coming,

Santa Claus ain’t coming to town.

In the past we have honored a person or persons with this distinction. This year, we searched, wrestled and then performed a detailed statistical analysis to find a worthy candidate. You won’t be disappointed, as we discovered a host of individuals who fit the bill.

Our 6th Annual Big Turkey Award goes to The Debt Reduction Super-Committee in their endeavor to gobble up the nation’s debt. Patty Murray, Max Baucus and John Kerry we salute you! Jon Kyl, Rob Portman and Pat Toomey we salute you!

For Congress to abdicate its responsibility and put its faith in a supercommittee of twelve (go here for a complete list of committee members) was a bird brained idea from the beginning. The fact that the committee failed is just gravy for the goose.

It should be noted that this is now the 2nd time (Gobble Gobble) that John Kerry has appeared as at least a partial recipient of the Big Turkey Award. Mr. Kerry, we offer you a special Big Turkey salute! You are the gift that keeps on giving.

We at PoliticalDerby hope you have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving!

Now they mock them again. I must say, it is actually kind of funny.

Note: Click to enlarge.

Click here to read the article by Joe Scarborough.

If you would like to read the article I wrote comparing Anthony Weiner to Lebron James, click the “Read More” link.

Enjoy your Wednesdays PD family!

Anthony Weiner: Politics’ Bron Bron

The past two summers have not been kind to these two public figures.

Lebron James and Anthony Weiner know all too well what it is like to fall in the eyes of the public.They had everything any man could ever want, but their arrogance took them down, way down. It was their pride that made it so easy for us to root against the Miami Heat and to celebrate when the Congressman finally resigned. If only Mr. Weiner had followed basketball a little more closely, he might still have his job.

When Weiner first became a Congressman in 1999, Lebron James had just turned into a high school phenom, dubbed the supposed successor to Michael Jordan. In DC, Weiner was an up and coming political star amongst Democrats and worked his way up in many liberal circles. Meanwhile in Cleveland, Lebron immediately turned the once last place Cavs into a contender collecting a few MVP trophies along the way. Both men were successful, popular, and media magnets for generally positive reasons. All that changed last summer and continued to worsen these summer months; both remained media magnets but for all the wrong reasons.

Anthony Weiner always reeked arrogance and baby Bron Bron was constantly told only what he wanted to hear as a superstar in Akron. In the summer of 2010 these two men revealed their true colors for all to see and it wasn’t pretty. We all know about the now infamous  “Decision” PR stink bomb James brought upon himself. His self absorption knew no limits as he celebrated in Miami the next day while claiming that the Heat would “Not only win one, not two, not three… NOT SEVEN,” championships.

Weiner did not learn from “Lebum’s” delusions – he thought that he was bigger than the game – big enough to get away with this kind of public showboating. In fact, he would not by outdone by Lebron. Just a few weeks later Weiner followed suit by refusing to yield to the gentleman. Crazy Right! He broke all sorts of House protocol in what was supposed to be a one minute address to the House about giving healthcare to 9/11 responders, a noble cause. His tirade distracted from the bill, hurting his own cause. This prolonged rant earned him scorn from fellow representatives and negative media attention. The problem with arrogance is that its not easy to get rid of, it usually roars its head back in say… a year?

A year passed, both these men were hit hard but certainly not down for the count. It didn’t have to end this way for dear old Anthony. He could have learned from his NBA equivalent. It takes a lot of cajones err confidence, to say that your not putting your head down; to proclaim your life is still better than 99.99% of the rest of the world’s right after yet another collapse in the playoffs. Likewise, I am amazed by the audacity to send photographs of yourself to multiple strange women as an already controversial public figure. You see, it wasn’t Weiner’s wiener (I couldn’t help it) that brought him down but his equally sized ego. A Proverb my mother always quoted to me is brought to mind – pride comes before the fall – she was right. Well, that and “accidentally” tweeting pictures of yourself… Can’t wait to see how these two fare next summer!

Per CNN.

It was a dark, windy and rainy night when Per Johansson returned from work to his home in Saro just south of Gothenburg, Sweden.

“It was raining really bad. In the wind I heard something screaming with a very dark voice,” Johansson told CNN. “At first I wondered if it was the crazy neighbors, but then I heard it again and went and checked. I saw something really big up in a tree in my neighbors’ yard and it was a moose. It must have been drunk after eating fermented apples and as it was reaching out for more fruit it must have slipped and fallen into the tree.”

I’ve already heard three great one-liners revolving around politics, since the quake was close to the Washington, D.C. area.

“Earthquake in D.C. Despite early promising reports, Congress is still standing.”

“Fox News reported the Washington Monument is tilting from the quake. Leave it to Fox News to complain that the Washington Monument leans left!”

“I blame Obama – there were no quakes during the Bush years.”

Have any to add?

One advantage of adding a 51st state is that President Obama would be a little less wrong when he refers to 57 states.

The new boundaries would also stick Nancy Pelosi’s Bay Area California in with Los Angles. The two crowded, polluted urban areas deserve each other, and their residents could chat all they want about wine and NPR without boring hardworking conservative neighbors who can’t afford maids….

Hollywood celebrities attempting to cross the new state for Las Vegas would encounter outrageously high tolls equivalent to twice the current price of a movie ticket or combo pack at the concession stand. (Tom Selleck, Patricia Heaton and Jerry Bruckheimer would be exempt from such levies.)

The new state would, of course, get the Camp Pendleton Marine Corps Base, the Miramar Naval Air Station and the San Diego naval base, including the nuclear sub facilities.

That’s because with the GOP always in charge of the 51st state there would finally be some serious border security with old Mexico, possibly modeled on the Korean DMZ…..

However, let’s be honest, “South California, Not as Bad as You Might Think” is just a lame name. That implies some kind of parity with another California. So does California Adjacent. Flyover California doesn’t sing. The Other California could confuse.

Read the column in its entirety here.

Tough weekend.

Sen. Graham, hereafter the Prosecution, alleges free speech is invalid when it denigrates a national enemy. The Prosecution reserves belief in free speech, but also claims said speech must be approved in order to be free. In summary, Prosecution alleges, “free speech is a great idea, but we’re in a war. During World War II, you had limits on what you could say if it would inspire the enemy.” 

Free Speech, hereafter the Defense, intends to prove that free speech indeed protected derogatory attitudes toward America’s World War II enemies. The Defense calls as its first witness Moe Howard, Curly Howard, and Larry Fine, a.k.a. the Three Stooges, in You Nazty Spy. 

The Three Stooges displayed no fear of inspiring der Fuhrer, his Nazi regime, or the Axis in general. In You Nazty Spy they satirized dictatorships, Hitler’s rise to power, and the gullibility of the entire population of “Moronica,” which represented pre-war Germany. 

Your Honor, the Defense contends that Moronica’s Dictator Moe Hailstone (Hitler), Field Marshal Curly Gallstone (Goering), and Propaganda Minister Larry Pebble (Geobbels) could’ve offended and thus inspired Nazi Germany. The Defense will also prove that You Nazty Spy wasn’t an isolated example of uncensored speech during World War II. 

The Defense calls as its second witness the same Three Stooges in I’ll Never Heil Again. 

Dictator Hailstone and his henchmen broke treaties and double-crossed allies, just as Hitler did to Chamberlain and Stalin. I’ll Never Heil Again bristles with jabs at the Nazi regime and “der Fuhrer” himself. Hailstone and Moronica’s allies fight over the world, with the Japanese representative taking frequent snapshots during the melee. 

Your Honor, the Defense submits Moronica as de facto Nazi Germany and Hailstone’s dictatorship as personifying the Hitler regime. The Defense argues the Three Stooges did willfully and with forethought mock and ridicule both Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, that these entities were enemies of the United States, and that the Three Stooges’ actions could’ve inspired enemy forces. Furthermore, since the Three Stooges’ testimony was filmed, distributed, and viewed during the World War II era and remains available 70 years after the fact, free speech protects similar conduct today. Your Honor, the Defense also charges the Prosecution with intentionally misleading the public about the application of free speech during wartime, past and present. 

The Prosecution has maliciously revised history and perpetrated fraud to cause the public to doubt their memories. In summation, the Defense believes the Three Stooges’ testimony verifies the validity of Free Speech and the allegation of prosecutorial misconduct on the part of Sen. Graham. Defense requests that Graham answer perjury charges in the Court of Public Opinion. 

The Defense rests.

HT: Political Calculations

At least the bad guys will have a chance now which is more “fair” to them.

From Mark Smith. HT: Legal Insurrection.

Newt Gingrich must’ve played a little ball in his day, mastering the art of getting on base and carrying that proficiency into adulthood. During his political career Newt has done everything necessary to put America first, and he’s definitely reached base. 

Gingrich’s adventures in Adulteryland are fairly well chronicled. He cheated on two sick wives, divorcing them both before marrying the mistresses. But how can we blame him for his Clinton-like escapades when he did it all for us? During an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network the probable 2012 presidential candidate blamed his indiscretions on his passion for America. He was stressed; the affairs helped him perform at his best. 

So Newt took one (maybe more?) for the team. But you won’t find stitch marks on his forearms or the name “Rawlings” imprinted on his back. Indulging one’s carnal pleasures isn’t exactly taking an Aroldis Chapman fastball between the numbers. 

In the same interview Gingrich sought God’s forgiveness, and presumably the public’s, too. Strange as it sounds, he’s right. God will forgive the repentant: you, me, and Newt Gingrich. However, a vital element in absolution is realizing that forgiveness grants no right to continue wallowing in failure or to avoid the consequences of one’s actions. 

Conservatives weren’t eager to hear Bill Clinton’s lame explanations for his bimbo eruptions, especially the Lewinsky episode, nor were his shameless lies dismissed with impunity. Sure, Clinton remained president. But he paid a price in public ridicule and confirmed his reputation as a manipulative womanizer. John Edwards also earned mockery for his affair with Rielle Hunter. 

Democrats can’t make an issue of Gingrich’s trysts; they set the bar low when they excused Clinton’s philandering. But are Republicans themselves ready to overlook Newt Gingrich’s affairs when they so readily condemned Clinton and Edwards? Or should the GOP choose a candidate who strikes a positive image, one that commands respect and breeds trust? 

There’s no question that Newt Gingrich espouses solid positions on a host of issues. He is experienced, savvy, and an expert communicator. However, this matter goes beyond personal failures, which everyone experiences. It’s about respect for the voter’s intelligence. Gingrich will be hard pressed to sell conservatives the insulting notion that his adulteries resulted from patriotism. To resurrect a favored conservative phrase from the Clinton years, “we should expect more from a president.” 

Personally, I hope Newt has made peace with God. Gingrich would make a fine cabinet member in a future GOP administration. But blaming his failures on a passion for America sounds childish if not a little loopy. Maybe during his playing days (baseball that is) he took one for the team while he wasn’t wearing a batting helmet.

Gaddafi is no doubt the perfect thug. But he falls short when it comes to image. Gaddafi has ruled in Tripoli since shortly after Thomas Jefferson’s forces persuaded the Barbary pirates to give up the ship. Yet the highest rank he has attained is that of colonel?

No disrespect intended toward colonels, mind you. Some of America’s greatest military leaders wore the silver eagle at one time or another: Pershing, Patton, Ridgeway, McArthur, Eisenhower, Schwarzkopf. But each one moved on to general before making their reputation and securing their fame. Few are the colonels who are household names.

Sure, there are some. Col. Sherman T. Potter of the 4077^th M.A.S.H. comes to mind, as well as Colonels Hogan and Klink from Stalag 13. A colonel managed Elvis Pressley, at least for a while, and Col. Sanders is famous worldwide. There were also the Kentucky Colonels of the defunct American Basketball Association. Yet “Colonel Gaddafi” lacks the requisite pizzazz we would expect from an iron-fisted dictator who has ruled for half a lifetime.

Col. Gaddafi, your grip on Libya is tenuous at best. Still you’ve vowed to die rather than surrender. If the time is nigh for your departure to the land of seventy virgins grant yourself a promotion before you go. I assume you possess that authority, and it’s only fitting for a tyrant to outrank his military generals.

Pick a new title, Colonel. Call yourself a Six-star General, or High Commander of the Libyan Revolution. How about Exalted Excelsior or Perpetual Potentate? Or you can go the acronym route. How about the Sympathetic, Understanding, Caring, Knowledgeable and Excellent Ruler of Libya (S.U.C.K.E.R. for short)?

Chose anything you like. But don’t die a colonel. You don’t want to be the lowest ranked despot gathered around Satan’s fireplace. The other dictators–the ones with cool titles–will laugh at you. “Hey, Col. Gaddafi, fix me another cup of brimstone.”

Your boasts are bold, Muammar. You’ll fight to the last drop of blood. Judging from the mobs in your streets, the defection of senior diplomats and air force pilots, and the fall of one city after another you’ll probably get your chance. Don’t disgrace history’s great dictators by checking out of here a mere colonel. Go out with a new title, something grand, eloquent and memorable.

Libya’s Supreme Sultan of the Ceaselessly Shifting Sands. Now there’s an epitaph any tyrant would envy, and it’ll look great on your tombstone. What’s more, a Supreme Sultan won’t spend his eternity fetching cups of brimstone for Chairman Mao.

Some of the greatest hits include “Win a Date with Barack Obama,” “You could star in the next Hillary video,” and my personal favorite, “Win John Edward’s mom’s pecan pie recipe.”

That’s about the only thing worth liking about Edwards, and its more about his mom than him.

But under the new leadership of Reince Priebus, the GOP has rolled out the first fund raising idea in some time that got my attention: Valentines from your favorite Democrats.

That’s right, for a modest donation, you can send your special loved ones a personalized Valentines e-card from one of about 15 Democrats, just like the one below:

I’ve heard that Janet Napolitano herself will conduct the pat-down.

A funny boo-boo by someone in the graphics department produced a slightly skewed version of the location of nations in the Middle East:

Someone really screwed the pooch on that one!

Happy Birthday, Old Timer! Hope you got the case of Metamucil I sent last week.