There was a meteorologist in the land of USA, whose name was Job, or Sarah Randramighan, or Kip Li, or whatever, and that meteorologist was perfect and upright and one that feared the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, or good old NOAA, and eschewed evil data. So as not to get fired and blacklisted.

So in order not to have the NOAA, sorry Satan, put forth his hand and strip her or him of all that they cherish, the perfect upright meteorologist ensures the data is correct. As in politically.

At least until we have more transparency on the methodology and the actual raw objective data that the NOAA bases it’s climate studies and doomsday projections on.

But even assuming the data is made public, a less than overwhelming possibility, we are misguided fools in fact. Why?

Who are we to believe that objective data actually exists? Have we not disabused ourselves of Locke’s quaint notions that objective reality can be perceived, discovered, and even measured? We need to hire more German meteorologists; say Dietrich Dingansich, who will enlighten our crude North American minds.

Reality is mere perception, a feeble gazing out at an unknowable world by our prejudiced little minds. Renounce Locke and turn to Kant! The coming of the Solar Gods and Wind Sprites shall not be detained by those who insist on actually seeing and analyzing the data. Or furtively sharing temperature readings in a dark parking lot somewhere in DC. Hey, maybe we could get Reford to star in and produce a film about our upright meteorologist! Maybe not, he’s getting a little old. But he’s alive and well thank god.

So of course the NOAA is keeping it’s cards close to it’s chest. It’s not even playing Texas hold’em. It’s about belief. Not objective data. Obama is good. Paris loves him. Immanuel Kant blesses him from the beyond. Repent objectivists and deliver your souls to the NOAA!

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