A professional athlete, no matter the sport, enjoys a certain time of year called the off-season. Off-seasons allow athletes to clear their minds and heal their bodies. As an added benefit, off-seasons prevent fans from becoming bored with the sport. Professional offense-takers should follow that example. Maybe their minds wouldn’t be so cloudy and the rest of us wouldn’t grow so sick of them.

Feminists head the herd when it comes to taking offense. They can find affront at the drop of a hat. Feminists have taken umbrage at everything from Victoria’s Secret to My Little Pony. Anything that fails to promote feminism’s “strong” woman — the bra-burning, gruff, nagging, sea hag — renders women doting airheads suitable for serving the patriarchal society.

Okay, same song; men are pigs. What’s new? 

Well, something is new. The venerable LEGO is marketing the latest indoctrination tool for a chauvinistic society bent on creating an entire generation of models for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Specifically, the LEGO Friends line of toys. According to offended feminists, LEGO Friends “limits creativity and healthy role development” and encourages “damaging gender stereotypes.”

That sounds serious. But have no fear; the offended will arise to save little girls from childhood fun. In fact, the offended are petitioning LEGO to pull the toys from distribution. The petition’s initiator — Carolyn Costin, MFT (the “T” stands for tyrant, you can decide what the “MF” represents) — said, “Presenting slimmer, more fashion oriented LEGO people for girls falls right into the pervasive cultural messages for them to focus solely on their appearance and being thin.”

Really? Are we supposed to believe that playing with LEGOs will cause a generation of young girls to want to look like their LEGOs? Children of the 70s — I am one — played with green army soldiers, Evel Knievel stunt cycles, and cap guns. How many of us wanted to turn green when we grew up, or jump Caesar’s Palace, or become a gunslinger? 

In fairness, the LEGO Friends collection is rather sugary. Girls can choose from sets such as Olivia’s Tree House, the Butterfly Beauty Shop, and Stephanie’s Cool Convertible, complete with a puppy for the back seat. Sickening? Infinitely! The LEGO Friends are more nauseating than shotgunning a keg of corn syrup. But for Pete’s sake, they’re toys! 

Even if Carolyn Costin (the MFT) is correct and these toys do cause kids to desire a slimmer figure, is that automatically a problem? We’re inundated with stories about what fat slobs Americans have become, even those who grew up idolizing Barbie. Another “thin is in” message might be a godsend. Anyway, what would Carolyn consider a suitable image-building toy: Roseanne Barr’s Tub-O-Lard Doughnut Shop, or Gloria Steinem’s Chopemoff Vasectomy Clinic? 

Still, give Carolyn her due. She’s quite the pro at poking her nose into other people’s business; a genuine Buttinski Hall of Famer. If only there was an off-season.