No need to watch out.

You might as well cry.

Go on and pout, I’m telling you why.

Santa Claus ain’t coming to town.

There won’t be any reindeer, or sleigh for you to see.

We’ve banned them all so we can prove our great sensitivity.

It’s no joke! The North Pole’s favorite son was banned from his annual appearance at the Hollings Cancer Center in South Carolina. Said spokeswoman Vicki Agnew: “Because of our state affiliation, we decided not to have a Santa presence this year.” The Center, Agnew continued, wanted to be “more secular and respectful to all beliefs. People who are Muslim or Jewish or have no religious beliefs come here for treatment.”

Doesn’t that make perfect sense. We can’t have the State promoting biblical characters like Santa Claus, now can we? After all, according to the Book of Blitzen, Chapter Three, it was Santa Claus who led the Israelites out of the Arctic Circle, parting Rudolph the Red-nosed Sea along the way. And the Gospel according to Comet tells how Santa came to grant strength to the lame, sight to the blind, and knowledge to the foolish. 

Ms. Agnew contends the decision wasn’t “meant to be cold.” If that’s true, then it was meant to be stupid; it’s the only other plausible explanation. What a shame Vicki Agnew wasn’t there when Santa was bringing knowledge to the foolish; she could use a miracle. 

Oh well, ’tis the season. America has come to herald each Christmas with renewed assaults on common sense. We ban Santa Claus and prohibit nativity displays. We purchase “holiday” trees from big box stores whose clerks are instructed to greet us with the innocuous “happy holidays.” Schoolchildren participate in “winter celebrations” rather than Christmas plays. And we endure it all so as not offend the perpetually offended. Has Christmas ever genuinely insulted anyone who wasn’t seeking insult to begin with? 

Frank Cloyes, the Center’s volunteer Santa, wonders when all this politically correct nonsense will end. “Let’s have a little joy in our lives,” he said. 

Mr. Cloyes can take some solace. The Hollings Center revisited their lunacy after South Carolinians revolted. However, his fundamental complaint remains unresolved. Political correctness is the antithesis of joy, existing only to prevent joy and prohibit fun at every turn. Life must universally suck for PC multiculturalists to be satisfied. And the nonsense won’t end until enough people summon the courage to tell hand-wringing busybodies like Vicki Agnew to go jump in a hole. In the meantime the Priests of High-minded Sanctimony will continue sacrificing America’s cultural and spiritual traditions to political correctness, their god most high. 

 So you better not count on seasonal cheer.

It hasn’t a chance with bureaucrats near.

 Santa Claus ain’t coming,

Santa Claus ain’t coming,

Santa Claus ain’t coming to town.