The Republican primaries have it all! We have a frontrunner many conservatives view as wishy washy, a right wing nut job leading the charge for the Tea Party, a fiery former pizza CEO, a soft spoken nice guy, an unnoticed former Governor… actually make that two unnoticed former Governors, a Texan waging all out war on the Federal Reserve, a social conservative with a Google problem, a mayor who doesn’t know if he is in or out, the most divisive Vice Presidential candidate ever, a former Speaker of the House with no staff but plenty of former wives, the mustache dude, Bush 2.0 holding the breath of every Tea Party voter, and some guy named Thaddeus McCotter. See, this group has a little bit of everything and a whole lot of crazy! Yet out of the dust five candidates’ personalities stick out more than all the others.

Why I Don’t Think These Five Candidates Can Win
• Bachmann reminds me of the conservative version of Nancy Pelosi; put it simply… she scares me. I’m not only scared of her being president, I am scared of Michelle Bachmann in every kind of way. I always feel that at any moment her eyes may pop out of her face and her head explode.
• Cain took himself out of the running with his repeated comments against Islam. Oh wait, my bad, he wasn’t a contender since being the CEO of the nationally irrelevant Godfather’s Pizza is the highlight of his resume’. I mean, really? Their business has a mascot cornier than Ronald McDonald and the Burger King combined.
• I will admit Huntsman has some awesome teeth, but otherwise there is not much to like. He is the typical wuss in the office who can’t stand up to his boss. No marbles; he’s not only soft spoken, he is just soft. When I watched Horrible Bosses, I thought about Jon Huntsman. He can’t stand up to Obama and blast him the way the other candidates do because he worked for Obama.
• Ever look back through your old high school pictures and find that there is one guy you have no memory of in the back of each picture? You just can’t seem to put a finger on the name of that one kinda dorky kid. As the day goes on you get irritated and the question nags on in your brain, “Who was that guy?” That guy was Tim Pawlenty.
• Ron Paul reminds me of your classic American grandpa. His just rambles on and on in the background and after about 15 seconds you subconsciously tune everything he is saying out. He may be a bit loony yet he is actually brilliant. Problem is that after 15 seconds America tunes him out.


  • rjlf

    Time to update the Power Rankings.

  • Daniel Bassali

    I mentioned Santorum’s google problem but to be honest currently he is not relevant enough to add to the list. As for the line about Cain, my basic point is that being President of the United States of America is not an entry level job. Politics does play a huge role in it and if Cain ever wants to be a realistic candidate, he needs to grow his experience in the field first.

    • Alaina

      I just can’t agree with you guys that say you have to be a politician first. I think real life experience managing budgets, learning how to work with people and within an organization and turning floundering businesses into profitable businesses is 1000% more valuable executive experience than creating policy based on theory and voting yes or no on bills for x number of years.

  • Red State Eddie

    Hey wait – you didn’t insult Rick Santorum. Now I’m offended.

  • Alaina

    My friend and I were talking about Bachman last night and decided that she’s a Conservative cross between Nancy Pelosi and Hillry Clinton.

    It’s not that Cain was the CEO of Godfather’s Pizza that is important. It’s his ability to take a failing company (Burger King and Godfather’s Pizza) and make it successful. Few can do that once, but twice takes extraordinary business acumen and leadership. Isn’t that what we need right now? Someone that can take our floundering country and make it great again?

    • Troy La Mana

      The closer we get to the Ames Straw Poll the more it looks like there are very few viable candidates in the primary race this year. If Cain doesn’t make it past Iowa I think I might just have to fall back to Paul unless West or Rubio jumps in. Even if Palin does decide to run I doubt I could flip the lever for her. In my opinion, she does her best work right where she is now.

    • Brian H

      A business sense is great but one also has to have the political depth and skills to make things happen.

      What we have now is a guy without political or business skills. A perfect storm of stupid.

      • Alaina

        It takes a lot of political skills to run a corporation.

        • Brian H

          Alaina. I dont believe that is the case. We are not talking about schmoozing and patting people’s back, laughing at their jokes and buying them lunch. The POTUS is the highest political office in the world and novice politicians get owned in that environment.

          • Alaina

            Do you honestly think that’s all it takes to be CEO of a corporation? They can be just as cut-throat as Washington… Sometimes even more so.

            People are always looking to move up the ladder and many will cut your knees out from under you any chance they get. Senior Management teams and the Board of Directors can be just as polarized as Congress. competitors will take you out (or take over) at the drop of a hat. Politics run rampant at every level and it gets worse the higher up you go.

            With all due respect Brian, unless you have spent time working within the senior ranks of a corporation, you have no idea how tough it is to run a company.

  • Troy La Mana

    Cain speaking out against radical Islam is a good thing. Anything else after that is nonsense.

  • Whodat

    Good description of the pathetic state of the Republican challengers. It is both embarrassing and frustrating to somebody like me who so desperately wants to not just beat, but humiliate Obomb and his ilk in 2012. In our fight, it is like we are pitting safety matches against a blow torch. We need some heat!

  • RFA

    This is hilarious! spot on

  • Brian H


    “Ever look back through your old high school pictures and find that there is one guy you have no memory of in the back of each picture? You just can’t seem to put a finger on the name of that one kinda dorky kid. As the day goes on you get irritated and the question nags on in your brain, “Who was that guy?” That guy was Tim Pawlenty.”

    Hating on my boy! But so funny, and so true.