Steny Hoyer’s time as the House’s second in command is complete. But he didn’t accept his demotion quietly. Instead he delivered a psychological evaluation of TEA Party activists. Dr. Hoyer’s diagnosis: “My presumption is they have unhappy families.” 

Thank you Dr. Hoyer. Your keen insight has revealed the true mental state driving the TEA Party. TEA Partiers hate their mothers. They have low self-esteem due to incessant emotional and physical abuse suffered at the hands of their domineering fathers. Likely as not they want to wed their siblings, or perhaps their family pets. The root causes of their familial dysfunctions are limitless. But obviously TEA Partiers were forced to eat too many Brussels sprouts when they were young. 

There’s only flaw (only one?) in Dr. Hoyer’s dysfunctional family theory. Steny Hoyer isn’t a doctor.

Hoyer’s résumé includes a substantial list of accomplishments. He holds two degrees, both from prestigious universities. Hoyer has served on numerous boards and caucuses in both the private and public sectors and he’s a career attorney. But nothing in his background qualifies him to render a psychological evaluation on Aunt Matilda’s Miniature Schnauzer, much less on a grassroots political movement comprising millions of individuals.

Someone on the congressman’s staff must’ve realized the nature–and possible repercussions–of his gaffe and made an attempt at damage control. According to an article, his office released this statement:

Mr. Hoyer clearly meant that everyone has to compromise sometimes as part of a family and that compromise is necessary to successfully govern. He obviously was not referring to the personal family life of a large group of people.

Yeah. And then there’s the one about the goose that laid the golden egg. Hoyer’s “clarification” spins like a category five hurricane. And spin is exactly what one might expect from an attorney who is also a left-wing politician.

If Hoyer didn’t intend to snipe at his political opponents, why comment on the TEA Party at all? He certainly wouldn’t have reached into his “Li’l Shrinks Junior Psychologist Kit” for a psychopathic connection between political activism and family contentment. Had he really meant to highlight the TEA Party’s lack of interest in compromising with Democrats he could’ve said so. It’s not like that’s a guarded secret or deep revelation. In terms of discovery, uncovering acrimony between the TEA Party and liberalism isn’t exactly Columbus’ landing at San Salvador.

Hoyer’s statement wasn’t meant to question the TEA Party’s willingness to reach across the aisle. He meant to discredit his opposition to the greatest possible degree. That’s how demagogues operate; casting dispersion on threatening opinion is a fundamental tactic of the tyrant. It’s Orwellian in theory and totalitarian in practice.

Well, it appears I’m psychoanalyzing Steny Hoyer’s motives. So what? My qualifications for determining another person’s mental state are at least on par with his. After all, I’m not a doctor.