In his seemingly endless quest to insert himself in every pop-culture phenomenon, President Barack “I am Spock” Obama took a straw poll of “everyone” regarding which Star Trek character he resembled most. By his own tally, “everyone” told him he is most like Spock.

Fascinatingly illogical.

Today, flanked by auto industry executives who were quaking in their Italian shoes and Brooks Brothers suits, Spock-bama mind-melded with his TelePrompTer and issued forth new Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) standards which he promised will save the planet, increase America’s good-will standing in the world, and provide every polar bear with a government subsidized salmon ration.

These standards will require whatever automakers are left to produce cars and trucks which have an average fuel economy of 35.5 miles per gallon by 2016. Who do you have to thank for these arbitrary requirements forced on an industry by an over reaching and overzealous government? Ahhhnooollld and the California State Legislature. You see, they’ve done so well managing the Golden State’s swan dive off the Golden Gate, Obama decided to use their figures to pile drive what’s left of the auto industry into its ready made crater.

Just in case you were wondering, I’m not a fan of small cars. Personally, I drive a gas guzzling, horsepower rich Ford Mustang with a stereo that can rattle windows a quarter mile away. The Cordeiro family manages to get around in a mini-van. Neither of these vehicles gets anywhere near Barry’s 35.5 mpg number. My reasons for buying the Mustang are my own, and center around the fact that I won’t be caught dead in a non-descript sedan. The Ravishing Mrs. Cordeiro and I settled on the Dodge mini-van because it offered the best overall solution for our transportation needs. It will get our family where we need to go, and in the event of a traffic accident we stand a better than average chance of walking away from the ordeal.

I’ve listened to snippets from Obama’s CAFE speech and I’ve come away less than impressed. He drones on and on about Detroit building cars that will decrease this nation’s dependence on foreign oil. Fuel economy is not the only calculation that goes into the production of a car that will meet the demands of the consumer. There’s also a very important calculation which involves something Barry has probably not thought about since he was a junior at that private Hawaiian high school of his.

As Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott so often told Captain Kirk (and occasionally Mr. Spock), “ye canna change the laws of physics!” In this particular case, Obama canna change Newton’s Laws of Motion either.

The quickest way to improve fuel economy is to reduce the overall weight of the car. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the stuff that weighs the most also provides the most protection from the various forces involved in a collision. I’ll spare you the details, but just understand that the high mpg tin cans so beloved by those who deride the automobiles used by most Americans don’t hold up well in safety tests.

For example, the much hyped Smart Car known as the “fortwo” suffered the following fate when matched with a C Class Mercedes:

In the fortwo collision, the institute said the Smart, which weighs 1,808 lbs, went airborne and turned around 450 degrees after striking the C Class, which weighs nearly twice as much. There was extensive damage to the fortwo’s interior and the Smart driver could have faced extensive injuries to the head and legs. There was little damage to the front seat area of the C Class. (Emphasis Added)

There will be two negative results which will able to be traced directly to Obama’s arbitrary CAFE declaration today. First, carmakers will be forced to build cars that do not meet the demands of the consumer. Therefore sales of said automobiles will not help these same automakers build their way out of the slump in which they find themselves.

Second, and by far more important, some Americans will be forced to buy these smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles. They may do so because some government agency will offer them a subsidy to trade down from their current vehicle. Perhaps they will buy the smaller cars out of some misplaced sense of Obama inspired cult-of-personality driven patriotism. Regardless of why the car is purchased and placed on America’s roads, the fact of the matter is some Americans will be driving these tin cans.

Eventually, some unfortunate American family will be sardined in one of these tin can cars which will meet with an old fashioned piece of American automotive hardware in a collision that in years past would have been just another run of the mill traffic accident. Only this time there will be fatalities because one car was built for the reality of automotive travel and the other was built to fit the bill of Obama’s go-green environmental lobby.

That family, dear reader, will not be mine. We’ll be in the aging SUV or minivan held together by spit and bailing wire because I choose to protect that which is most precious to me – and if a few polar bears have to swim a few hundred yards to the next ice floe, so be it. Montgomery Scott was right. No matter how much he extends his mighty hand and declares to the contrary, Obama canna change the laws of physics.

Comments

0 Responses to “Spock-bama tries to change the laws of physics”

  1. Arthur Day says:

    Thank you, I will keep my guns and my gas gussling SUV. The mini-idiots can keep the change!

  2. Alaina says:

    It’s another assualt on capitalism.

    It’s too late and I’m too tired to provide an endless list of reasons with this will be bad for consumers and the economy. However, did anyone else notice who was in attendance at Obama’s speech?

    It was a Who’s Who in the auto industry — the worst run industry on the planet… clearly a brilliant group of men.

    Ron Gettlefinger, President of the UAW — the primary cause of the auto industry being the worst run industry on the planet.

    Then you had Arnold, Gov. of the state that will be bankrupt by July thanks to all of their tree hugger policies.

    Throw in the Gov. of Michigan, which has one of the worst, if not THE worst, economy in the country.

    And, of course, Nancy Pelosi… I don’t think I even need to add a comment here.

    So we’re supposed to look at that group of people and think, “Hey, if they’re supporting this, it must be a good”? Yeah… I say do the opposite of whatever that bunch says.

  3. East of Eden says:

    I learned to drive in a stay-wag, and oh was it the baine of my high school existence. However, last summer when it came time for us to purchase our first family car, I longed for a stay-wag — an irony my parents were happy to point out….we bought a SUV, and a GM at that. I’m sure well be driving around with spit abd wire too. I’m not driving a tuna can. If I wanted a Toyota Prissy, I’d be driving that already.

  4. Red State Eddio says:

    Obama took one of those Facebook quizes and found out he’s most like Spock. Dang – slow news day.

    About the “Barackillac” situation: You’re forgetting a few assumptions.
    1. You’re forgetting there will be no SUV’s on the road anymore (other than “GM One” for the Pres)
    2. You’re asuming people will be allowed to drive above 35 mph. That will be outlawed as well.
    3. You’re forgetting that all these cars will be made with Democratically-voting union jobs.

    See how it all works out when you factor in those assumptions?

    That’s why I drive a ’92 Volvo with 175K on it. I can take out 3 SmartCars in one swipe. I’ll look like Ray Lewis hunting down a RB out on the highway.

    Hey – Where can I sign up for one of those salmon rations?

    • Sartho says:

      You’re probably dead on with the Facebook quiz. It was either that or he polled his wife and daughters.

  5. kristen says:

    Watch out Cordeiro. I claimed loyalty to my gas-guzzling V8 Trailblazer not to long ago and someone chided me for not going green. Sorry if I need four-wheel drive for snow and I like the extra protection it provides me in a state full of idiot drivers. It’s pretty snazzy looking, too. Someone’s going to have to pry that sucker from my fingers. You’ll never catch me in one of those ‘smart’ cars.

    I love how Obama claims to know what people want: a small tin can that can only fit 4 people. Hmmm. According to GM, 11 of their 20 top selling cars are trucks and SUVs. Sorry Barry; no Spock ears for you. Most people want room for their families, something to pull trailers, a lot of metal around them, and something with a little gusto.

    Way to drive the auto industry into the ground Mr Obama.

    • Jamison says:

      Harry Reid is a pathetic litte man in every respect.
      What do you suppose he has had to do to get into the “the club”? Will any of us be surprised to learn of his shady deals when they come to light?

  6. Brian H says:

    “Live long and un-prosperous”

    • Cordeiro says:

      You obviously missed the memo on Obama care. Living long is no longer part of the deal. Long lives cost the system too much money and have therefore been deemed unpatriotic.

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