When news stories intersect

By Jason Wright, Editor

Filed Under Humor on Apr 24 

Exclusive guest submission from Myra Adams. Enjoy.

It’s always entertaining to watch surreal news stories intersect.

In one corner you have The Taliban, the scariest people on earth, (except for that Texas cult with the pastel colored prairie dresses) about 60 miles from taking over Islamabad, Pakistan, infamous for its nuclear capability.

And in the other corner you have The Torture Memo Debate, totally dominating the Obama Administration, Capitol Hill, the Left Wing and the Press. (Who can tell the difference between the last two anyway?)

Let’s examine the intersection.

The Taliban closing in on Islamabad, are most likely meeting right now to determine what methods of torture are going to be acceptable for a victorious outcome.

Due to the Taliban’s overwhelming concern for what the world thinks of them, the two options on the table are large sharp knifes for swift hand, head or other body part removal, OR duller, slower, blades sure to yield more You Tube hits.

Once the Taliban get their hands on Pakistan’s nuclear launch codes, more colorful meetings will commence. Imagine a crumpled world map taped to the wall, probably the one they took from Osama’s deluxe cave retreat, with little red push pins representing their favorite nuke targets.

There is one push pin for greedy New York, and two larger push pins for evil Washington DC.

Until someone suggests moving one of the Washington push pins to sinful Las Vegas.

Which leads to a colorful discussion about which city offends Allah the most;

Washington DC or Las Vegas. I do hope the Taliban video tape these meetings.

This will provide terrific material for Letterman and Leno, unless The Taliban is successful of course and our nation will cease to exist.

Meanwhile back in Washington, all eyes and ears are on Attorney General Eric Holder and what course of action will come out of the Justice Department. Should he go after Condi? (Perhaps she wore those black spiky healed boots when she OK’ed torture of high value prisoners.)

Or does he just go for the Highest Value Target of all; Darth Vader Dick Cheney?

Holder is thinking of all the money Move On dot org and the DNC could raise on the prospect of a 2010 trial timed to the mid terms elections with Darth Cheney vs. The People Who Will Vote For Obama in 2012.

Perhaps Taliban operatives will be asked to testify as expert torture witnesses for Dick Cheney’s defense.

Dick Cheney’s lawyers would say, “Mr. Taliban would you define torture for us.”

“Yes I will be glad to.. roll tape.”

After seeing that tape, the jury would be convinced Dick Cheney’s version of torture would only earn a PG rating and his reputation as a hard a** will be diminished forever.

So with all the energy focused on Intera-Gate (the ultimate scandal already has a Gate in it!!!) no one in Washington will notice when the Taliban actually take over Pakistan perhaps sometime next week.

Especially since everyone knows how highly motivated the CIA is right now to provide President Obama with all the intel he needs to prevent such a conquest.

The CIA interrogator, with his lawyer ever present says to his Taliban captive:

“Oh please, please Mr. Taliban, can you tell us what cities you are thinking of nuking. Are you comfortable? Do need another pillow?”

Comments

  • Paul Wilson

    In a humorous way, you pose the central dramatic question: “what if” we were faced with a terrorist who was in the process of executing his plot. I am not for torture. I do not like it. But I am unsure when confronted with the not-so-funny premise of your piece. I frankly don’t know the answer.

  • Greg

    This is more interesting and fun than anything you’ve previoulsy sent or written. Who knew you have this talent.

  • Greg

    This is more interesting and fun than anything you’ve previoulsy sent or written. Who knew you havd this talent.

  • Renee Lynch

    I love how Myra uses her gift of quick wit humor all the while bringing up important issues.

  • Cindy McGrory

    I love the pile-up described in this intersection – right on point.

  • Jeff Gibbs

    Myra is absolutely right in pointing out the Lunatic Left’s unholy obsession with repressing all debate, dissention and opposition. And this from the Great Unwashed who, at the height of their ignorance, protested and rioted about everything within sight and hearing, defending every act of malicious vandalism in the name of Democracy and Free Speech. Now this merry band of self-indulgent hypocrites seeks nothing more than the abuse of power and the silencing of critics. No surprise though. I learned this early – when confronting them on my university campus during the drug-fueled protests of the 60s. Free Speech – as long as what you say agrees with their view. Democracy – as long as they can stuff the ballot box. It was bad enough when frustrated Marxist-Leninists infested the majority of academic institutions and strangled debate under the pretext of political correctness but now they and their ill-educated accomplices have at last gained the levers of power they lusted over all those years. And what we have is a perfect example of what occurs when self-righteous, arrogant, obsessive-compulsive, petty, and vindictive amateurs, whose world view is through the wrong end of the telescope, attempt to reverse everything we learned about socialism, communism and the Cold War. It’s like watching drunken monkeys discover a box of power tools. Reagan and Churchill must be fuming in their graves.

  • Betty Eadie

    Though humorously written and somewhat tongue in cheek, Myra gives some great insight to what I hope our country awakens too!

  • G

    This hilarious take at a truly scary situation really frames this issue. The Administration is fiddling while Rome burns. Thanks for pointing this out, Myra! Can you do another one to make me laugh about my taxes going up?

    • Brian H

      Obama said 95% of Americans are getting a tax cut. You must be in the top 5%. Capitalist Pig. You should be ashamed of yourself for making money.

  • Brian H

    Lets see.

    We have the DHS identifying military veterans and conservatives as potential teerorist and the Justice Dept. wanting to bring in Whitehouse lawyers on war crimes for their “Opinions” they provided upon request of the government.

    While the “threat” from Americans is being solved by the Obama Admin. Pakistan is in colapse and Islam–Fascist terrorists are in the process of being released from Gitmo and ALL harsh interrogations are now null and void from future considerations in obtaining important life saving information from our “Over-seas and Domestic Contingency Operations”.

    Elections matter.

  • James Farwell

    Myra Adams has a sharp wit and expresses herself well.

  • David Adams

    This is a serious matter. While the Taliban probably don’t pose a threat to the Government of Pakistan by themselves, one could envision an “unholy” alliance developing with other extremist groups in the country, including the fifth column inside the Pakistan military and intelligence services. Such an alliance really could overthrow the Govt, in which case Mr. Obama REALLY would have a mess on his hands. Time to start promoting national unity for real, Mr. President.

  • Gil Rice

    I noticed this posted in Humor and in reality, this happens to be real close to the truth, which is scaeier.

  • Mark McKinnon

    Ms. Moss hits the nail on the head. If only the Democrats would hit the terrorists on the head…