When news stories intersect


Filed Under Humor on Apr 24 

Exclusive guest submission from Myra Adams. Enjoy.

It’s always entertaining to watch surreal news stories intersect.

In one corner you have The Taliban, the scariest people on earth, (except for that Texas cult with the pastel colored prairie dresses) about 60 miles from taking over Islamabad, Pakistan, infamous for its nuclear capability.

And in the other corner you have The Torture Memo Debate, totally dominating the Obama Administration, Capitol Hill, the Left Wing and the Press. (Who can tell the difference between the last two anyway?)

Let’s examine the intersection.

The Taliban closing in on Islamabad, are most likely meeting right now to determine what methods of torture are going to be acceptable for a victorious outcome.

Due to the Taliban’s overwhelming concern for what the world thinks of them, the two options on the table are large sharp knifes for swift hand, head or other body part removal, OR duller, slower, blades sure to yield more You Tube hits.

Once the Taliban get their hands on Pakistan’s nuclear launch codes, more colorful meetings will commence. Imagine a crumpled world map taped to the wall, probably the one they took from Osama’s deluxe cave retreat, with little red push pins representing their favorite nuke targets.

There is one push pin for greedy New York, and two larger push pins for evil Washington DC.

Until someone suggests moving one of the Washington push pins to sinful Las Vegas.

Which leads to a colorful discussion about which city offends Allah the most;

Washington DC or Las Vegas. I do hope the Taliban video tape these meetings.

This will provide terrific material for Letterman and Leno, unless The Taliban is successful of course and our nation will cease to exist.

Meanwhile back in Washington, all eyes and ears are on Attorney General Eric Holder and what course of action will come out of the Justice Department. Should he go after Condi? (Perhaps she wore those black spiky healed boots when she OK’ed torture of high value prisoners.)

Or does he just go for the Highest Value Target of all; Darth Vader Dick Cheney?

Holder is thinking of all the money Move On dot org and the DNC could raise on the prospect of a 2010 trial timed to the mid terms elections with Darth Cheney vs. The People Who Will Vote For Obama in 2012.

Perhaps Taliban operatives will be asked to testify as expert torture witnesses for Dick Cheney’s defense.

Dick Cheney’s lawyers would say, “Mr. Taliban would you define torture for us.”

“Yes I will be glad to.. roll tape.”

After seeing that tape, the jury would be convinced Dick Cheney’s version of torture would only earn a PG rating and his reputation as a hard a** will be diminished forever.

So with all the energy focused on Intera-Gate (the ultimate scandal already has a Gate in it!!!) no one in Washington will notice when the Taliban actually take over Pakistan perhaps sometime next week.

Especially since everyone knows how highly motivated the CIA is right now to provide President Obama with all the intel he needs to prevent such a conquest.

The CIA interrogator, with his lawyer ever present says to his Taliban captive:

“Oh please, please Mr. Taliban, can you tell us what cities you are thinking of nuking. Are you comfortable? Do need another pillow?”