Is the state of the economy getting you down? Do you now owe more on your home than it is worth? Have you recently lost your job?

Big Brother would like you to know that his concern for the people knows no end. You can and should trust that all of his policies will most certainly work. However, if you are feeling down in the short-term, Big Brother has provided a way out for you.

Partnering with the Ministry of Health and Human Services, Big Brother in his all-reaching benevolence gives you: “A Guide to Getting Through Tough Economic Times“.

On this fantastic website you can learn what do to if you believe Big Brother’s policies are making you feel stressed or even suicidal. Although, as you know, Big Brother has your interests at heart, so clearly if you believe his policies are at fault for your hardship, you are obviously wrong. However, do not be concerned if you think you feel this way. Government counseling is available to help you understand your error at not cost to you!

In the event that you are suffering from any of these symptoms: depression, anxiety, compulsive behaviors (over-eating, excessive gambling, spending, etc.), or substance abuse (with the exception of smoking, following the example of Big Brother, so we can afford healthcare for the children), Big Brother suggests the following:

There are many other places where you can turn for guidance and support in dealing with the financial problems affecting you or someone you care about. These resources exist at the federal, state and community level and can be found through many sources such as:

Please note that only the federal and state government suggestion is linked by Big Brother because it is the single most important resource and clearly the most likely to fix all of your problems. Also, because Big Brother is a man of the people, don’t forget your other options to find additional government resources to solve your problems. These resources can be found in the government services section of the phone book. As for civic associations and spiritual groups, good luck, you’re on your own. So why don’t you just let Big Brother take care of you? He will only protect you from yourself.