Closing GITMO


Filed Under General on Jan 13 

Just about everyone agrees that we should close GITMO, also known as the Dick Cheney Theme Park. The problem is what to do with the prisoners. Send them home? That’s no good. They’d discover we leveled their homes, and they’d be even more pissed.  Incarcerate them in American prisons? We don’t have room for our own home grown terrorists. Turn them loose with a slap on the hand and tell them to be good little terrorists? Yeah, right! Maybe give them a Green Card and a 7-11 franchise.

No, they should be punished, and here are a few suggestions:

•    Ship them to Detroit and make them play for the Lions
•    Lock them in a room and have Gov. Blago read poetry to them
•    Lock them in a room have ex-Prez George W. read anything to them
•    Hire them as extras on “24” and let Jack Bauer work his Torture du Jour on them
•    Make them sit in the Regis and Kelly audience permanently until they’re bored to death
•    Implant chips in their heads that continuously play nothing but Miley Cyrus music
•    Assign them to Prince Harry’s army unit
•    Put moose antlers on them and set them loose in Wasilla, Alaska
•    And the ultimate punishment, replace water-boarding with Coulter-boarding. Put them in a room with a scantily clad Ann Coulter and have her choke them to death with half-truths, innuendoes and insults. How unclean would that be?