Thanks to Red State Eddio I finally got around to watching Matt Damon’s take on Stiletto Sarah. After a few minutes of evaluation, you can color me unimpressed.

Matt Damon is a decent actor. Yes, I have enjoyed his performances in the Bourne series. Having said that, I don’t give his opinion any more weight than I would the guy who runs the Subway shop down the street. Actually, I’d give the Subway manager more credit – he actually has to run a business.

Yet, people still crave the opinions of celebrities who wouldn’t be given the time of day were it not for the fact their names are in lights. So I ran Damon’s comments through the Cordeiro translator and found that Damon was actually channeling Fiddler On The Roof’s Tevye. Here’s what Damon actually said:

Dear God, you made many, many poor and unfamous people.
I realize, of course, that it’s no shame to be obscure and unnoticed.
Good thing that’s not my problem!
So, what can I do with my fame and fortune?

Since I’m rich and famous,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.
Since I’m a celebrity.
I don’t to have work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
Since I’m a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

The most important media moguls will come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise.
“If you please, Matt Damon…”
“Pardon me, Matt Damon…”
Posing problems that would cross Obama’s eyes!
And it won’t make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.
When you’re rich, they think you really know!