THE SARAH PALIN CHRONICLES (PalinFacts.com)

* Sarah Palin is not affected by global warming, evolution or gravity.
* Sarah Palin eats moose. Preferably live.
* Sarah Palin is so HOT that God had to send a hurricane to cool America off.
* Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity’s war against the machines.
* Sarah Palin knows how old the Chinese gymnasts are.

* Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone.
* Queen Elizabeth II curtsied when she was introduced to Sarah Palin.
* Sarah Palin’s enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List.
* Sarah Palin is what Willis was talkin ’bout.
* When Sarah Palin attends ritual blood orgies, she always brings the most delicious ambrosia salad.
* Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience.
* Sarah Palin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves!
* In the original version, He-Man had the power of Sarah Palin, but the writers felt this would make him way too powerful.
* Sarah Palin was not flown to Ohio in charter jet – she ran there as part of her morning workout.
* Sarah Palin begins every day with a moment of silence for the political enemies buried in her yard.
* Sarah Palin uses French Canadians as bait to catch giant king salmon.
* Sarah Palin once bit the head off a live Osprey snatched from the air as it tried to fly off with a fish she caught.
* When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.
* Sarah Palin’s finishing move in the VP debate will be pulling Biden’s still beating heart from his chest & taking a bite.
* Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.
* Sarah Palin once won a competitive eating contest by devouring three live caribou.
* Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.
* Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.
* Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
* Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.
* Sarah Palin can divide by zero.

Hat tip to Chuck Muth.

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