John McCain released an ad attacking Barack Obama for being a celebrity.

Barack Obama released an ad attacking John McCain for being a celebrity.

What a weird election, right? Consider the following:

FACT: Americans are more likely to vote for a candidate who’s similar to themselves.

FACT: Most Americans want to become celebrities.

FACT: Anyone who doubts this hasn’t actually watched television and/or actually met an American.

FACT: Because Americans want to be a celebrity, they also want to vote for a celebrity.

FACT: The only evidence we have of this is Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schwarzewhatshisbucket, and Jesse Ventura, as if anyone’s ever heard of them.

FACT: By accusing each other of being a celebrity, John McCain and Barack Obama are actually campaigning for each other.

FACT: That loud pop noise you just heard was the universe collapsing on itself.