Backstory:

The year is 2020. The President of the United States is an unknown corporate turnaround expert and financial wizard who won the election not as a Democrat or Republican but rather as a financial wiz considered to be the last best hope to turn around America’s financially bankrupt condition.

The Speaker:
The current (year 2020) Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who rather than coming from the five star General ranks like normal in the U.S., is a retired General who went on to a long career in organizational restructuring in corporate America, specializing in rebuilding failed defense contracting corporations.

In an unusual move, the new President brought him in to save the U.S. military, which was ruined financially by a former President named GW Bush, who now owns the Texas-based “Bush’s Brawlers” professional girls softball team in the the national “Pink Powder Puff League,” which was formed in 2018.

The Joint Chiefs Chairman: Addressing graduates of America’s once elite fully-mechanized fighting force:

Gentleman, congratulations. As you may have heard; a former President named GW Bush and his sidekick, Dick Cheney, bankrupted the U.S. military, along with doing so to the entire country.

Therefore, until we can fix things, you will have to make do with the Segeway Scooters, which some guy invented in the year 2006 or so. They never sold, so that same GW Bush Administration bought about 200,000 of the things because they believed in bailing out any corporation that failed. The Segways as they called them have been sitting in a warehouse in Maryland all these years, until they were recently found. When I heard about it I begged the President for them even though there was a huge demand for them.

They aren’t very bullet proof, but they beat the bicycles our friends the Chinese, the world’s leading superpower, gave us last year.

Meanwhile, if you have a few minutes, feel free to view these pictures of the kinds of vehicles we used to have in the military pre GW Bush. Sorry you have to view actual photographs of the military hardware, but until we can afford internet access again that will be the case.

And I thought Americans were lazy.

“Never underestimate the power of the dark side.”

Thanks for the weather, Pete, and now for a quick segway…

Looks like a bunch of mobile cybornetic bodo dolls to me. Shoot’em and they pop right back up and shoot.

Revenge of the nerds…part 4!

On a side note: please know that for every benefit that technology gives us, it also gives us a new way to control us.

Technology is NOT a metric to gauge civilization…freedom is.

To heck with “Free Tibet”…”Free USA”.