To quote the late, great Chevy Chase as Clark W. Griswold in the classic film, “National Lampoon’s Vacation,” ‘I could give a frog’s fat (arse)’ about anything John McCain or Barack Obama does for about a good two months. (What’s that? Chevy Chase isn’t dead? But didn’t his career die years ago? Whatever.)

It’s summertime. Time to fire up the grill and cook up some highly overpriced meat. Time to see four-foot, growth-stunted teenage girls flip around on a mat during the Olympics. Time to wonder how bad is the new Will Smith movie.

McCain’s off to Colombia? Send me postcard. Obama flip-flops on public financing for his campaign? Who cares? I thought white people got mad when a black man stayed on government welfare. Go figure!

No matter. I’m fed up with all of it. It’s vacation-time people. Pack up your pundits and take a couple of weeks off. I don’t care. Well that’s not true. I do care, but the point is that it’s finally summertime, dig?

Energy crisis? Yes, gas prices are high. But they’re always high during the summer travel period, but complaining about them while filling up your V-12 SUV isn’t going to lower the price much now is it? Iraq and Afghanistan? Yes, there are two wars going on, but I can’t do anything about that until I vote in November (I suppose.) And yeah, I guess it’s cool that the Bush administration removed Nelson Mandela from the U.S. Terror Watch list as a birthday present but – wait a second.

Is that right? Nelson FREAKING Mandela was on what? What’s wrong with this equation? Nelson Mandela equals terrorist. Really? The man is 90 years old and fought the good fight against apartheid. Today, Nelson Mandela couldn’t blow up a bathroom after a burrito run through Mexico while downing shots of Correctol. Sheesh!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, maybe we should ignore the candidates until they pick their running mates and have their respective national conventions. After all, are you really anxious for more campaign drama? This election cycle has already had more twists than that pretzel President Bush choked on back in his first term (ba da BUMP!)

Are you looking forward to the day you’re not glued to the set to hear MSNBC’s Chris Matthews yell at somebody, or marvel at that uber-cool iPhone-esque touch-screen monitor CNN’s John King gets to play with, or wonder why Fox News’ Sean Hannity oddly resembles George Costanza the way he squints at the camera?

For the next few months, I might be mentally on a hammock, whistling the theme music those kids sing in the opening credits from “Meatballs.”  Why? Because I’m ready for the summer.

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