I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

— Will Rogers

Wouldn’t ya know it? The one year where the Democrats could nominate an actual donkey for president and win, they have drama.

After 15 months of ridiculousness, the Democrats finally have a nominee, and it’s the junior senator from Illinois , Barack Obama. Obama is the surprise of the election season. He managed to defeat not one, but two, brand name politicians in Hillary and Bill Clinton, overcome his brown skin, his Muslim sounding name, his controversial pastor and his awful bowling game to become the first person of color to claim a major party nomination for president. The Democrats should rejoice.

But they can’t. Instead Democrats are licking the wounds from their infighting. Too bad the Keystone cops charged with laying down the law and maintaining order were as authoritative as that pride of lionesses who got the hell beat out of them by, like, ELEVENTY BILLION water buffaloes in that YouTube safari clip. Instead of acting like the new sheriff in town, Democratic National Chair Howard Dean has been pushed around like the mayor of Chump City .

Oh, those crazy Democrats.

Just last year, all of the Democratic candidates – including Clinton and Obama – agreed that the Florida and Michigan primary results wouldn’t count because those states broke party rules. But that was last year. Last weekend was a different story. While convening inside the Hilton Ballroom in Washington , D.C. , Dean’s Democrats legitimized illegitimate results from the rogue states. Indeed, 1.7 million Democrats voted in Florida ’s renegade primary. But what about the 2.3 million Florida Democrats who didn’t vote because they were told the results wouldn’t count? And as for Michigan , Clinton was the only candidate on the ballot so how could anyone say that contest was legitimate when that state’s electorate observed the abnormal election by voting for Uncommitted by 44 percent, capice?

Whatever. These are the Democrats we are talking about here.

There were only two fair options for the DNC: either halve the delegations and split them evenly among Obama and Clinton, or, to maintain refusal of both states all together. Instead, Dean and the DNC folded under pressure and set a dangerous precedent for democracy. Changing the rules in the middle of the game is not only weak, it’s amoral. Instead of standing up for principle and the integrity of rules, the Democratic leadership may have made the Florida-Michigan drama deepen the fissure between Obamacans and Clintonistas. And no one can be certain that unity will come even if Obama offers Clinton a spot on the ticket as his vice president.

The Democrats have been divided since the South Carolina primary when the issue of race was so rudely injected in the campaign. And after apparently taking a swig from the bottle, Geraldine Ferraro lobbed a verbal Molotov cocktail. And after Jeremiah Wright, who with his goofy robes and his big ole bag of perfunctory, lobbed a couple of incendiary bombs himself. And so on and so forth. Whew!

It’s gonna take more than crazy glue to put this party together. It should be interesting to see how it all shakes out come November. By the way, is it possible the Democrats can give the people an official popular vote? No? Sigh.

Damn Democrats.

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