PoliticalDerby.com

Samantha Power knew the score. See, when the former Barack Obama advisor told a Scottish newspaper that Hillary Clinton was a “monster” who is “stooping to anything” to try to win the Democratic presidential nomination, she wasn’t fooling. Still, in a swirl of trumped up controversy, Power resigned from the Obama campaign and apologized for the comments.

But two months later, Power’s assessments ring true, don’t they? Reeking of desperation, Clinton has squandered an opportunity to exit the presidential race graciously. But the past few weeks, Hillary Clinton has developed a horrible case of Hoof-In-Mouth Disease. From race-baiting to raising the specter of assassination to playing the sex card, Clinton has moved beyond grasping at straws. In fact, she’s more like that charming, charismatic, brilliant, but ultimately underachieving college student who blew off class most of the semester, but asked the professor for a reprieve during the week of finals (lousy Professor Gamble. No one cared about your Geology 101 class, dude).

But I digress.

To paraphrase Don Rumsfeld, we are in the last throes of Hillary For President, and by “last throes,” we mean “yeah, right.” It doesn’t matter that Obama by most media tallies is less than four dozen delegates away from securing the nomination. Still, Monster Clinton will take the DNC’s Rules and Bylaws Committee to the mat Saturday over Florida and Michigan in an effort to legitimize illegitimate primary results. And it looks like no matter what, she already has saved up the gall necessary to try to broker the Democratic Convention come August. If the Monster’s antics scare the electorate and prevent the Democrats from taking the White House, then Clinton wouldn’t have burned her political bridges – she would have napalmed them.

And yet, the Monster is not going to stop. You thought her mentioning Robert Kennedy’s assassination in 1968 was reprehensible? Wait till she alludes to what a sniper’s bullet did to the last eloquent, popular black guy who ran for president (who cares that it was fiction?) You think her yelling at the top of her lungs that she’s got the white vote is repulsive? Wait till she mention that her “opponent” (Have you noticed that Clinton doesn’t even utter Obama’s name anymore, signifying her absolute disdain for the Democratic frontrunner?) has a last name that rhymes with “Osama.” And you think that her race-baiting throughout the campaign has been abhorrent? Wait until she climbs up the town bell tower, a la the town idiot in Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles” and shout Obama’s race from the top of her lungs.

(See, in “Blazing Saddles,” the town idiot is perched atop the bell tower to get the first look at the new sheriff riding into town. But when he recognized the sheriff is black, the idiot resorted to name calling. “He’s a (racial epithet)!” he yells to the townspeople below, but gets drowned out by the ringing of the bell every time he tries to get out the racial slur.)

Oh no. We aren’t in the last throes of anything. Hell, it’s even possible the Hillary Monster will still be on the campaign trail after the general election November 4.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.