In honor of tonight’s Daily Show appearance by John McCain, I shall make a feeble attempt to emulate (drum roll, please) my esteemed colleague nouveau, M. Ryan Shattuck.

You know you’re a McCainiac if:

1. Saying the name Mike Huckabee gives you hiccups.

2. You keep a swift boat stored on concrete blocks in your back yard.

3. You have another one in the front yard filled with koi.

4. Efferdent tops your weekly shopping list.

5. You’re married to James Carville. Well, you know you’re a converted McCainiac.

6. Your favorite “Lord of the Rings” character is Gimli.

7. You TiVo Lawrence Welk on PBS every Saturday.

8. The only bohemian you know is national.

9. You keep a full-body bronze of Ronald Reagan in your bedroom. And you don’t hang clothes on it.

10. And, last but not least, you know you’re a McCainiac if you live in Bellevue’s mental ward, because insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results.

McCain wants to continue Bush’s agenda on almost every front. Permanent tax cuts for the rich, $300-$1200 “cake” for the rest of us. McCain wants to keep us in Iraq for the next century.

I don’t want to be there when the karma catches up (several lives from now).