Talk about your proverbial head scratchers. Here’s a ditty from the trail today courtesy Sam “If I Were Any More Desperate I’d Be Bill Richardson” Brownback:

AMES, Iowa (CNN) — After a stop at a football tailgate party with college Republicans Saturday, presidential candidate Sam Brownback jokingly said to law enforcement officials that driving under the influence charges, or DUI’s, translated to a “lot of business” for him.

“I lived in Manhattan, Kansas, and after the (University of Kansas/Kansas State) game there would generally be a lot of DUI’s,” the Kansas senator said.

“I was a practicing lawyer there, and it’s kind of like on Monday morning that’s a lot of business,” he said laughing.

When asked to elaborate, Brownback told CNN, “I was just reflecting that when you get these big in-state rivalries a lot of people drink too much alcohol, and then there’s a lot of DUI’s.”

Brownback made the comments in Ames, Iowa, before the University of Iowa/Iowa State football game. He stopped to speak to the Iowa College Republican Federation’s tailgate party.

Wait… Wait. Belly… hurting. Can’t breathe. Laughing uncontrollably. DUI. Hilarious. Need… Oxygen.

Seriously, come on Senator, coming with 10 miles of any lighthearted reference to Driving Under the Influence is like saying you think God wants Iowa to go first.

DUI = Not funny.

Laughing while discussing all the business you got on Monday morning after football games = Dummy dumb dumb.

Brownback = Third tier.